You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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