i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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