Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
