he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
