So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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