dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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