Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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