I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
