I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
