Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
