i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
