Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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