I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
