I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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