They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
