Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
