it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
