Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
