Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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