and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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