i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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