i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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