Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
