Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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