I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
