Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
