I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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