Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
