rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
