pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
