No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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