I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
