I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
