my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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