either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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