You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
