she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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