I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
