i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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