An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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