If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
