Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
