THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
