allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize