Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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