Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
