At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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