im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
