Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
