I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
