Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The Olympian is in my bed
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
