We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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