for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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