yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
