she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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