just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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