Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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