Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
