You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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