The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
