Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
