We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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