Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
