hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
