Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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