I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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