Your tits are I can't wait for
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
