Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
