brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
