The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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