I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
